


i feel so weak (but you call me strong)

by statichvm



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Mutual Pining, Pregnancy, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:35:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 12,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23284858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/statichvm/pseuds/statichvm
Summary: a collection of joel/oc drabbles. more or less canon compliant (for the first game, anyways) and not at all chronological.
Relationships: Joel/Original Female Character
Comments: 49
Kudos: 82





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> all i write is self indulgence, babey.

She wandered back down the stairs, hand grazing the dusty banister. Family pictures lined the stairwell, three smiling faces staring back at her in the darkness. Three smiling faces to match the three bodies outside. Max frowned, pushing the image away and taking a closer look at the nearest frame. 

As far as family portraits go, this one was pretty average. A mother, a father, a teenage boy who tried his hardest to look like he’d rather be anywhere else. They looked normal. They looked happy. She glanced at the next portrait over, smiling when she saw the same boy clad in a baseball uniform, proudly clutching a wooden bat. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen a bat as anything but a tool, a weapon. That kind of normalcy felt untouchable these days, a distant dream that had slipped through her fingers long ago. 

She’d almost reached the bottom of the stairs when her eyes fell on one last photo. It was older than the rest, a little more worn and a little more faded around the edges. 

A man and a woman stood side by side, hands clasped tightly at a strategic angle to show off the ring on her finger. It wasn’t anything special, but from the look on her face you would’ve thought she was wearing a multimillion dollar rock. Max reached towards the couple, carefully wiping the dust away with her sleeve. The white dress was an eyesore, all frills and shoulder pads, and his powder blue suit wasn’t much better. 

A wedding. Max felt her throat tighten. Little girls always dreamt of their wedding days, or at least the ones she’d known did. She’d spent hours watching her friends flail about draped in white sheets and orchestrating elaborate doll weddings of the century. Those same girls grew into women with secret Pinterest boards full of lace and monogrammed mason jars, their hopes and dreams all stashed away just waiting for the chance to become reality. 

She’d never been one of those girls, always too busy with school and sports to give a damn about the future. But now? This was her future: corpses lined outside while she stares longingly at what could have been. It didn’t matter if she’d decided what dress she would have worn, or the cake she would have had. It wasn’t going to happen. Not for her, not in this world.


	2. Chapter 2

Tonight was the night.

It was time to go. In truth, it’d been time to go. It was never supposed to be this long, certainly never supposed to go this far. She’d leave, keeping a bit of extra distance for a few days to be safe. They’d nearly reached Wyoming, and as far as she was concerned, her job ended there. 

Max stood in the doorway, bag in hand as she watched them sleep on the couch. Joel was sitting up again, something she’d told him not to do a thousand times in the few months they’d been traveling together. He’d be sore in the morning, something she was sure she’d hear all about between grumbles.

 _ No _ , she reminded herself,  _ you won’t _ .

By morning, she’d be a few miles out, hopefully finding a spot outside of their destination. She’d see this through that far, and then she’d be free.

Free.

God, what did that even mean now? She could go back to Marlene, but did she want to? So much had changed.  She had changed.

A clicking sound drifted through the air, immediately setting Max on high alert. Her hand on her pistol, she scanned the room, relaxing when she spied the source of the disturbance. Ellie lay shivering, her teeth clacking together fiercely as puffs of frozen breath spilled from her lips. She’d folded completely in on herself, and was curled into Joel in a way Max was sure she’d deny had she been awake.

Spying the patchwork blanket they’d snagged a few houses back, Max nodded to herself. One last act of kindness. A parting gift. Grasping the fabric in shaking hands, she edged closer, careful to avoid any creaky boards. Gently, she smoothed the blanket over Ellie, smiling to herself as Ellie shifted, settling into it’s warmth. Max turned, headed back towards the door when she heard a whisper from behind her.

“Max?”

Shit.

She froze, turning to find Ellie watching her through one cracked eye. Max offered a smile, kneeling down in front of the couch. She smoothed a hand over Ellie’s cheek, brushing back stray hairs that had slipped from her ponytail.

“Sleep. We have a long day tomorrow.”

The lies came easy now, slipping off her tongue without any effort at all. Ellie deserved better. They both did. Max swallowed hard, trying to hold a neutral expression as Ellie stared back. Ellie nodded sleepily, apparently satisfied as her eyes fluttered back shut with ease. The house settled, eerie groans echoing through the empty space as she watched them sleep.

Even in his sleep, Joel looked so tired. He carried a heaviness around that Max wasn’t sure any amount of rest or relaxation would ever lessen. If she was honest, she’d found herself spending more and more nights wishing she could.

And that’s why it was time to go.

The newfound stillness of the house was deafening as Max crossed back to the door, hoisting her bag back up on her shoulder and heading for the door. She glanced down at her hand on the knob before giving one last look at the couch. Ellie had already managed to throw the blanket off of herself and had resumed her shivering. Slowly, Max lowered her bag to the floor before laying down next to it with a sigh.

Tonight wasn’t the night. 


	3. Chapter 3

It was always the same.

The flames flickered and twisted, growing and growing behind her eyes until all she could hear was screams and shattering glass echoing through her brain. She was upside down, the seatbelt digging into her flesh until a fresh bruise bloomed beneath. Just like always, she’d turn, frantic screams tearing loose from her throat when she found the back seat empty. Where is he? Where is-

“Max?”

She tore her gaze away from the flames, settling for scanning the darkness instead. The screams had faded away, retreating into the deepest recesses of her memories. It was a quiet night, save for the occasional crackle of the campfire and Ellie’s restless shifting in her sleeping bag. It was peaceful. It was unnerving.

“Somethin’ on your mind?”

Max glanced up to see Joel crouched in front of the fire, prodding at the embers with a stick.

“It’s too quiet,” she finally answered, the corner of her mouth quirking when he shook his head and sat back.

“Quiet’s good. Means we ain’t about to get torn apart for the time bein’.”

“I suppose,” she conceded with a shrug.

Max reached for her pack, rummaging through it’s contents until she found what she was after: a bottle of whiskey. It was old, it’s label faded and peeling, but it still did the job. The first gulp went down hard, burning all the way to her stomach. It didn’t take long until she felt warmth creeping into her bones, the sweet release of intoxication coursing through her veins.

Silence had fallen over the camp, and judging by her drooping eyelids, it was time to turn in for the night. Her liquor loosened tongue had other plans.

“Fucking hate the quiet, if I’m honest,” she stated bluntly. Joel’s eyebrows shot up, something that looked a bit like amusement dancing behind his eyes. He looked at her for a long moment, considering his words before finally settling on a suitable response.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” she echoed, punctuating the sentiment with a sharp nod before taking another sip. She leaned forward, extending the bottle towards him and shrugging when he shook his head. “It gets real loud when it’s quiet. Know what I mean?”

Joel nodded, his expression hardening. Max knew that look well enough by now. He was sitting across the fire from her, sure, but he was a million miles away.

“Know somethin’ about that.”

It was a meager response, but erred closer to vulnerability then his usual offerings. It was enough to make her press on.

“Don’t care for fire either,” she paused, taking another long swig from her bottle. Joel had settled back to the ground, propped up in the dirt on his elbows. Something about the way he watched her made her feel exposed, like he was looking right through her to the bones underneath. “I ever tell you that? Figured you noticed.”

Another shake of his head. If she was looking for conversation, she was in the wrong place. She knew that.

“Can’t say you have.”

He didn’t ask, didn’t press further, whether it was out of common courtesy or plain disinterest. She didn’t know. She didn’t care. It slipped out anyways.

“The outbreak,” she started, voice already starting to fall apart at the seams. She swallowed hard, her grip on the bottle going white knuckled. “I was working late. Got caught up at work when shit went down. By the time I made it home, it was already chaos. Bodies in the streets. People that should be bodies getting up and making more.”

Max stopped, taking a long sip from the bottle before locking eyes with the man across the fire.

“Did you know I had a brother?”

And there it was: “had”. Such a small word, but used all too often these days when it came to loved ones. Only three letters held the weight of the world’s loss. Almost everyone “had”. Not too many people “have” anymore. All that loss, and people still don’t know what to say, so they settle for the old standby.

“I’m sorry.”

Max frowned, shaking her head fiercely.

“He’s not dead,” she replied, a bit too quick and a bit too loud. “He’s...”

She stopped, carefully placing the bottle on the ground and placing her head in her hands. Deep breaths, in and out. Focus. Ignore the stinging in her eyes and the knots her gut had already twisted in.

_ It wasn’t your fault _ .

“You don’t gotta talk about it,” Joel murmured, almost uncharacteristically gentle. “Old wounds don’t ever feel that old.”

Max threaded her hands in her hair, nails digging at her scalp for a moment before sitting back up to face him. He stared back, as guarded as ever, but the spark of understanding in his eyes was loud and clear. He knew. He felt it too.

“No, they don’t, do they?”

Silence fell between them, comfortable enough to let it go, to leave well enough alone. As the words bubbled back up in her throat, Max realized she didn’t quite know how.

“Like I said, I get home and it’s chaos. Radio was gone, not that you could hear it over the screams. I pull up and Shane is sitting on the porch,” she paused, huffing out a laugh that was barely more than a snort. “I tore ‘em a new one for that. Said he’d be safer inside. He said he was waiting on me, knew that I’d come get him. That I wouldn’t let him down.”

_ And then I did _ .

“You know, for the first few hours I thought we were okay. That we’d make it out. Shane was in the back seat, pretending he gave a damn while I told him all about my shift. I knew I couldn’t tell him things were okay, so I told him about work instead. God, I didn’t know where I was driving, I just knew we needed to get out of the city,” she continued. Her gaze was locked on the flames now, the warm light flickering across her eyes like a memory. “I don’t know how it happened. One minute we were fine, and the next we were upside down in a ditch.”

Joel grunted, a sound she figured was an acknowledgement or encouragement of some kind.

“Yeah, I didn’t know how fast cars could catch,” she started. Her hand brushed her sleeve, sliding up and under the fabric to caress the burn that spanned her forearm.“I wake up, and my first thought is Shane. Didn’t even notice my own arm, just... Needed to check on him.”

Nothing from Joel this time, not even a sound. He sat across the fire, expression unreadable as she spoke.

“I turned around, and he was...” she stopped, swallowing hard. “Just gone. Not a trace. Door was wrenched open, but he wasn’t there. Circled the car for hours, screaming his name. Nothing.”

She met his eyes again, surprising even herself when she held steady. He was quiet for a long while, almost long enough for her to debate calling it a night and turning in.

“You think he’s still out there?”

“That’s the bitch of it. I don’t know,” she added, her normally steady tone edging dangerously close to breaking. Max squeezed her eyes shut, willing away the tears. Not here, not now. She took another sip, nodding to herself. “I’ve heard a few rumors here and there, people that matched his description popping up everywhere from Maine to Arizona. But nothing ever comes of it. I still don’t know.”

She’d expected a lot of reactions from him, ranging from stoic silence to what everyone else did: the awkward apology, stumbling over barely sincere words out of obligation. She hadn’t expected him to stand and cross to her side of the fire. She certainly hadn’t expected him to kneel in front of her and bring a tentative hand to her cheek.

For once, she leaned into the touch, her breath catching a bit at the way his calloused hands felt on her cheek. They’d touched before, bumping into each other on the road, or a firm grip on the other’s hand when a ledge was a bit too high. This was different. There was a softness in his hands she didn’t think she’d ever seen before, but god she’d kill to keep seeing it.

He moved slowly, gently as his thumb traced the length of her scar. Closing her eyes, she focused on the sensation, nearly shivering as she felt him reach the end of it. Nobody had ever touched her so reverently, and she certainly hadn’t expected it from him. She’d watched him kill and maim, snuffing out life with the very hands that now cradled her cheek. Nothing about this moment made sense, but she didn’t need it to.

“Max?”

Her eyes fluttered open, surprised to find his face inches from her own. Max swallowed hard as she felt her heart take off at a breakneck pace, thundering away behind her ribs like a caged animal ready to be set free. This was far past crossing the line, but she was even further past caring. Slowly, carefully, she brought her hand up, placing it over his. 

“Yeah?”

Joel watched her carefully, searching her face for something. Permission? With a nod, Max gave it, leaning in cautiously. Their lips lingered mere inches apart, both parties fighting a battle they were both losing. Closer, closer, and then...

A rustle came from nearby. 

They sprang apart, scrambling for their weapons without hesitation. Max peered into the darkness, scanning the area until her eyes landed on Ellie sitting up in her sleeping bag, rubbing her tired eyes. 

“What’d I miss?”

Max felt her shoulders sag, her cheeks coloring dark red with the knowledge of what had just nearly happened. The interruption was a good thing, though she couldn’t quite ignore the disappointment gnawing at her gut. Joel sighed, running a hand through his hair before answering. 

“Nothin’, Ellie. You didn’t miss a thing.”

And she hadn’t. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is a little nsfw. skip it if that’s not your jam.

Maria said she’d be right back.

That was about two hours ago.

Max sat perched on the edge of the bed, her knee bouncing hard enough to shake the frame. The squeak it emitted was obnoxious, but she barely noticed.

The shower had felt like heaven. Hell, the people of Jackson had even started making their own soap. It was a luxury she hadn’t known for months. Watching the blood and grime she carried on her skin slip down the drain with the rest of the dirty water had been almost freeing. Permission to start again with a clean slate.

Maria had been apologetic as Max tried to squeeze into her initial offerings. They would’ve worked, so long as Max didn’t use her arms for anything. Or move. At all. And so she’d left, leaving Max alone in the bedroom half naked and cold. It was only natural she’d put on the first article of clothing she could find, no matter who it belonged to. It just so happened to be his.

It was clean somehow, or at least as clean as clothes got these days. If she breathed in deep, she could almost smell his scent lingering in the fabric. Long enough to cover to about mid-thigh. It’d do in a pinch.

Footsteps sounded in the hallway, louder and louder as someone drew closer. Max fumbled with the buttons, trying to secure her modesty. The door creaked open, and Joel peered in.

_Speak of the devil_.

“That my shirt?”

Max’s hands stilled, lingering on the top button.

_ Well, fuck _ .

“Maria’s clothes didn’t fit. She’s looking for something, but I-“ she blurted, cheeks turning an angry red. “I can take it off if you want.”

Joel leaned against the doorway, crossing his arms over his chest before quirking a brow in her direction.

_ Double fuck _ .

“Alright, then.”

It was Max’s turn to raise an eyebrow. Oh, no fucking way. It couldn’t be that easy. And yet? He stood in the doorway, not even trying to hide the faint grin that’d crept onto his face.

_ Oh _ .

Max swallowed hard, suddenly painfully aware of just how bare she was underneath the stiff flannel. Fate picked an opportune time to rob her of her ratty old sports bra.

“Shut the door then. Ain’t givin’ the whole town a free show.”

It was enough to give him pause. Hell, it was enough to stop him in his tracks. Max had to admit she enjoyed the shock painted clear as day on his face. Whatever answer he’d expected, that wasn’t it.

“You serious?”

“Are you?”

He nodded. Slow, but sure. Confident enough to satisfy. Max shifted from one foot to the other, fingers nervously picking at the hem of the shirt in question. A horde of infected? Not a problem. Finally having to address whatever  this was? One hell of a problem.

“Alright. The door then. Now,” she practically ordered, her boldness overcompensating for her shaking hands. Something was creeping up in her chest, something she’d beaten down and hidden away for months. She’d maintained  control .

“Yes, ma’am.”

His voice was quieter than she thought it’d be. She exhaled shakily as Joel turned, hands raised in surrender as the door shut. The sound of the lock clicking followed and Max felt her mouth go dry.

_ Control it _ .

“Max, I was just-“

_ Fuck it _ .

Max surged forward, hands fisting the front of his shirt and tugging him down into a kiss. He still tasted like the road, like wood smoke and a little bit of the whiskey she kept hidden away in her bag for cold nights. After too many nights wondering what it’d be like, he was finally here, finally with her. The kiss was clumsy, even a little desperate, but  god it sent her heart racingto feel him melt into it, into her.

After what felt like an eternity, she pulled away. Max took a deep breath, taking in his flushed cheeks and raised brows. Joel reached forward, tucking a stray strand of hair back behind her ear.

“How long-“ he trailed off, the obvious question left hanging in the air between them. Max glanced down at her feet, shaking her head before shooting him a wry grin.

_ So long _ .

“Don’t make me answer that.”

He nods, satisfied enough with her non-answer. It didn’t matter anyways, especially not right now.

This time, he’s the one kissing her. Where Max was all shaky hands and jerky movement, Joel took his time. He kissed her slow, one of his hands sliding to the back of her neck and threading through her still damp hair. Her hands still sat balled up in fists on his chest, clinging to his shirt like she was clinging to her last chance at life. Judging from the way her head was spinning, she might have been. She hadn’t even realized they’d been inching backwards until she felt the mattress up against the backs of her legs.

A turning point, a decision to make. Yet another point of no return.

Max pulled away, keeping her eyes on his as she sat down and pulled herself up the bed. He followed, climbing up to hover over her. A pause, and suddenly his mouth was back on hers and  oh god she’d actually forgotten how to breathe. It’d been so long, too long, since she’d been touched like this. Since she’d let anyone close enough to try.

Rough hands skirted her skin, shaking just as badly as her own. She couldn’t remember the last time her body shook with anything except fear, and this- this wasn’t fear. It was new and exciting and it set every nerve in her body alight, but it wasn’t fear.

The buttons came undone- his hands? her hands? She wasn’t quite sure until suddenly her shirt was open and being tugged aside and the scarred skin underneath was on display in the hazy, golden light filtering in between the cracks on the curtains. It was perfect, it was-

A knock came from the door, loud enough to make Max startle. Tommy’s voice drifted in, muffled by the wooden door.

“Hey, Max? Maria sent me. Sorry it took so long, but I’ve got some-“

“Just a minute!” she called, springing out of bed. Her fingers were practically a blur as she buttoned her shirt once more, securing the topmost button after a quick glance at Joel still sprawled on the bed. Opening the door just a crack, she peered out to see Tommy with a pile of clothes in hand.

“Uh, hey. I’m supposed to tell ya it’s time for dinner,” he said awkwardly. Max nodded, slipping her hand through the crack and reaching for the clothes. Tommy had the grace to at least try and hide the bewildered look on his face as he handed them over. With an awkward nod of his own, he spun on his heel, taking a few steps down the hall before turning again. “You seen my brother?”

Max’s eyes widened as she felt her cheeks burn a bright crimson.

“No. Thought he was with you?” she offered up.

_ Don’t press it, don’t press it _ .

Tommy lingered, staring her down like she was a puzzle he couldn’t quite figure out. After what felt like ages, he nodded to himself before disappearing back down the hall.

As the door slammed shut, Max slid down to the floor, unable to stop herself from barking out a laugh.

“How old are we?”

No answer, just a grin that somehow managed to edge on boyish even on his face. She didn’t know he could do that.

She could stand to see it more often.

Comfortable silence settled over the room, punctuated by the occasional creak of the wrought iron bed frame. Max sat on the floor, hands running up and down her bare legs. It was cold, cold enough she could see her breath floating away in puffs of white vapor.

“That-“ Joel started. Max nodded, standing and crossing over to the bed. She sat down carefully, opting to sit cross legged at the foot of the bed. Distance was good. Distance was probably needed right now.

“Yeah,” she agreed, because it felt like the right thing to say. The scale of silence tipped from comfortable straight into awkward. Joel cleared his throat, mercifully trying again.

“Expected you to take a swing at me, honestly.”

That earned another laugh from Max, rare as they may be. Her posture eased, opting to stretch her legs out casually towards him. His hand came to rest on her calf easily, like he’d been doing it his entire life.

“I still can if you need me too.”

“I think I’m alright.”

Max groaned, pressing her thighs together and shifting. Tommy’s awkward interruption had managed to cool her down a bit, but the fire in her belly still burned hot enough to be a problem. A distraction. Enough to make her draw her legs closer to her body, hugging them to her torso maybe a bit too tight.

“I’m not.”

A laugh, swiftly covered up with a strategic cough. Subtle. Joel swung his legs off the bed, giving her a lingering look before jerking his head towards the door.

“I’m gonna head that way. Don’t take too long.”

She nodded, arms wrapped around her knees tightly once more. With that, he was gone, the door clicking closed behind him. Max stared at the pile of clothing that lay discarded next to her.

This was going to be a long night. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a prompt fill from tumblr. “when i’m with you, i’m home.”

Max sat curled on the couch, trying not to grin as Ellie snored against her shoulder. She was exhausted; they all were. The first signs of winter had started to creep in, hurrying along the construction of their new home to completion. Today had been full of moving furniture - some old and scavenged, some gifted to them by the people they’d met in town. The sun had long since set when their moving party (the North’s, Tommy, and Maria, mostly) finally saw fit to head home in a bustle of “thank you”s and “see you later”s.

Max heard the front door click shut before the sound of footsteps came from behind the couch. She tilted her head back, giving Joel a sleepy smile. Slowly, carefully, she slid off the couch, sliding a pillow underneath Ellie’s head and silently praying it’d be enough not to wake her. Thankfully, she didn’t stir, even as Joel draped a quilt over her.

Checking the lock on the front door one more time, Max shuffled towards the bedroom with Joel close behind. Their bedroom.

_ Fuck, it’ll take some time to get used to that _ .

She fell back on to the bed, not bothering to change her clothes. It’d been a long day, and what little energy she had was long gone. Even just laying there for a moment, she felt herself starting to drift. The mattress dipped, the bed frame creaking quietly as Joel settled in next to her.

“Some day.”

Max cracked an eye, giving him a nod before scooting closer to rest her head on his chest. She lay there, the sound of his heartbeat nearly lulling her to sleep before he spoke again.

“How are you feelin’?”

Both eyes opened this time, fixed on the door across the room. How was she feeling? Today had been busy, and the past few weeks had been more of the same. She hadn’t had time to think, let alone breathe.

“Didn’t think I’d have a home again,” she replied carefully. A truth, a particularly vulnerable one. Something else she’d have to get used to.

“When I’m with you, I’m home,” he murmured into her hair. Max grinned, momentarily thankful that the dim light hid the way her cheeks flushed bright red as she sat up to face him.

“That’s real romantic of you,” she teased. He returned the smile, easily slipping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her close.

“I try.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which max talks to herself more than anything. alternatively titled ‘how i met your mother’.

Max had seen a lot of things since the outbreak: death, disease, senseless violence she couldn’t even begin to understand. The collapse of society had brought humanity to levels of strange and depraved that most had never dreamed of.

Seeing a grown man suspended from the ceiling with a refrigerator as a counterweight was a new one. 

It really shouldn’t be that surprising. This town was a fucking death trap. What wasn’t crawling with infected was rigged to blow sky high with one wrong move. Tracking the smuggler and the girl this far without losing a limb had been hard enough. Watching them walk right into a trap had been harder.

The girl scrambled to cut the rope, but her blade wasn’t doing her any favors. A basic pocket knife at best, something that’d cut skin but didn’t stand a chance against quality rope. Max’s hand brushed against her own blade, stowed away in her boot. It was stronger, better made than whatever the girl was using. A few slices, and she could-

No .

Stay back, let them handle things. Marlene had been clear: observe, but don’t intervene unless it was absolutely necessary. She’d assured her the smugglers she’d hired were perfectly capable. She was there to escort, not play the hero every time a clicker looked their way.

Perfectly on cue, she heard it: that sickly clicking followed by at least five howls and moans. She shifted, her eyes locked on the girl- Ellie, was it? She’d clearly heard them too, judging by her frantic sawing and the insistent urging coming from her companion. Sure enough, they came stumbling in just moments later.

Max’s grip on her gun tightened as she took an inventory of the horde. Mostly runners, good. Despite being hung upside down from the ceiling, the smuggler was doing a hell of a job dispatching them. He was good, somehow who clearly knew his way around the weapon he was carrying. Max watched the infected fall, almost mesmerized by the pure efficiency of it all. They had this handled.

And then she heard the scream.

Shit .

She’d forgotten about the clicker.

Max turned to see Ellie trapped on top of the fridge, a clicker clawing at her feet. The smuggler tried and failed to land the headshot needed to take it down with a loud curse. It groped blindly, reaching and clawing its way towards Ellie until it snagged her pant leg and give it a savage tug. Marlene had told her enough. The girl wasn’t going to get infected. All the immunity in the world wouldn’t stop her from bleeding out if that thing got ahold of her.

_ Sorry, Marlene _ .

With a deep breath, she squeezed the trigger, watching as the clicker’s head exploded in mess of blood and viscera. The warehouse fell silent for a moment as Max slipped around the corner, stepping into the open and raising her hands in surrender as she faced the hanging man.

“Joel?” Ellie called out, taking a break from sawing to point her blade in Max’s direction. Oh, perfect. She turned, sighing when she noticed the man (Joel?) with his gun trained on her.

_ Oh, for the love of God. Please don’t fucking shoot me _ .

“Don’t shoot. I want to help,” she called out, cursing when he didn’t lower his weapon. Smart, but not the time. “There’s more on their way,” she added, edging her way closer to Ellie with her hands still in the air. “I’m not infected, but I can’t promise we won’t be if we don’t get the fuck out of here.”

Another inhuman scream echoed nearby. Taking another quick look at Joel, she bent down and plucked the knife from her boot. She moved slowly, placing one foot in front of the other as she approached the fridge. Ellie was frightened, her eyes wide like a wild animal as Max drew near. The screams grew louder, getting closer by the second, but she didn’t speed up. Sudden movements meant a bullet in her head, or a knife straight through her eye socket. But then she saw it: a nod, so small she almost missed it, but permission all the same.

Max nodded back, giving Joel one last glance before pulling herself onto the fridge next to Ellie. Her own knife made quick work off the rope, and she watched as Joel came crashing down onto the floor with a grunt. He hit the ground hard, but as they approached he seemed more dazed than injured. Satisfied he was okay to move, Max held out her hand. He looked up at her, mouth opening to speak before his eyes widened.

“Behind you-“

His words were cut off by the inhuman howling of the infected. Max spun to see yet another wave stumbling in, lead by yet another clicker. It stumbled towards them, twitching and jerking like it was seizing. Max’s hand shot back to her holster, grabbing her gun and leveling it at the clicker’s head. A single shot and it was down, dropping to the floor and giving one last rattle before going still.

The warehouse erupted in a symphony of screeches as the infected rushed towards them. Max turned back to see Joel on his feet, already pulling Ellie closer to him. She frowned when she saw him focusing on the opposite side of the warehouse. Following his line of sight, she saw another man waving at them wildly with a machete.

_ You’ve got to be fucking kidding me _ .

“Run! Go!”

Joel and Ellie bolted with Max hot on their heels. Winding through alleyways, the newcomer ushered them into a building before slamming and bolting the door behind them. Max slumped against the wall, her eyes falling shut as she took a moment to breathe.

Which was rudely interrupted by the sound of a gun cocking in her face.

Max cracked an eye to see the mysterious man pointing a pistol in her face.

“Today really isn’t my fucking day, huh,” she murmured to herself, raising her hands slowly. She shot a look at Joel, who stood on the other side of the room with his arms across his chest. Nothing. Perfect. Max cleared her throat, turning to address the man.

“Don’t mean you any harm,” she tried. The man’s eyes narrowed, holding the gun steady. He glanced over his shoulder at Joel.

“Who is she?”

Joel pushed away from the wall, strolling over to look her over. He shook his head, turning to the man.

“Like to know that myself,” he replied. “She ain’t with us, Bill.”

_Oh, fuck you, buddy_.

“No, but I did just save your fucking lives,” she scoffed. Bill huffed, letting the gun fall to his side. Beside him, Joel stepped forward.

“I had it handled-“

“The hell you did!” Max shouted, jumping up and jamming her finger into Joel’s chest. He had a solid six inches on her, and was as broad as nearly two of her, but she stepped up to him like she was ten feet tall.

A sharp whistle broke through the room, and suddenly all eyes were on Bill. “Can everyone shut the hell up for a minute?”

Max looked back at Joel, suddenly aware of just how close she’d gotten. She stepped back, cracking her knuckles while she waited for someone else to fill the silence. They all lingered awkwardly, silence hanging heavily in the air as the distant screams of the nearby infected carried through the walls.

“I need a car,” Joel said suddenly. Bill looked up, scoffing once more. Max moved to the other side of the room, sinking down onto the floor once more while they argued. Reaching into her boot, she slid out her blade. Leaning back against the wall, she twirled it in her hand, flipping and tossing it before she heard a voice inches from her face. Her eyes flew open.

_Ellie_.

The girl was crouched in front of her, watching her fidget with her knife. Ellie gestured to it, eyes wide.

“Where’d you learn that?” she asked. Max studied her, unable to suppress the smile creeping onto her face at the wonder in her eyes. It was nice to see there was still innocence in the world.

“Old friend taught me,” she replied. That much was true. Flashes of Pittsburgh ran through her head, closely followed by a phantom pang of hunger. She clutched her stomach, carefully packing those memories back away.  _You’ve eaten, Max. You’re okay_.

“Can you teach me?” Ellie asked, reaching for the knife. Max jerked back, quirking a brow at the girl. She was brave, maybe a bit too brave for her own good. Max couldn’t help but grin.

“Why, we friends now?”

Ellie’s face twisted into a scowl. “Well-“

Joel appeared behind them looking as impatient as ever. Bill lingered close behind.

“C’mon, Ellie. We’re leavin’.”

Ellie stood, adjusting the straps of her backpack before looking down at Max.

“What about her?”

Joel arched a brow. “What _about_ her?”

Max watched them both, unsure of what to say. She’d planned on parting ways, on circling back and resuming her tail after a day or so. But, sticking with them?

_ No, Max. Bad plan _ .

And then she said it.

“Where are you headed?”

Max cursed, suddenly aware that all eyes were on her.

_C’mon, Max. Let it go. Walk away while you still can_ -

“West,” Joel replied curtly. He shifted, clearly trying to size her up before responding. He was cautious. Smart man.

“I know the land out that way. Was born there. Montana.”

_What_?

“Yeah?”

_ No! Fucking hell, Max, stop- _

“Yeah.”

Joel gave her a hard look, glancing from her to Ellie and back again. After what felt like an eternity, he nodded to himself, clearly satisfied with whatever he’d decided.

“Guess another gun couldn’t hurt,” he conceded, running a hand through his hair before nodding towards the door. “C’mon. Ain’t got all day.”

Something twisted deep in her gut as she stood. Guilt? Fear? Excitement? Shaking her head, she pushed the feeling down. Checking her gun, she followed them out the door and into the city. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another tumblr prompt fill. “are you going to talk to me?”

“You gonna talk to me at least?”

_ Wasn’t planning on it _ .

Max straightened, not even bothering to give Joel a glance over her shoulder as she studiously cleaned her gun. She’d known something was up when he went cagey about his conversation with Tommy, but she hadn’t expected to hear it from Maria.

After everything, he planned on dumping Ellie like she was still a package to be handed off and delivered. She’d tried for months to stay away from this, to make sure that none of this became her business. Joel didn’t owe her shit, and she knew it. She was a tagalong, a straggler that’d invited herself on a journey that wasn’t hers to begin with.

“Were you planning to tell me about your plan to dump her with your brother, or was that none of my business too?”

Max finally turned, an iron grip on the rifle in her hands. Joel’s gaze flickered down to it, sighing before running a hand through his hair.

“Now, wait a minute, that ain’t-“

“I don’t care about your goddamn excuses, Joel. This is low, even for you.”

The words were out before she could stop them, pouring from her like blood from a wound. She was being unfair, but goddammit so was he.

“Even for me? The hell is that supposed to mean?”

She fell quiet, mulling over her options before landing on the obvious one. The only one.

“Let me take her instead.”

It was a simple solution. Ellie needed to find the Fireflies. Max knew their bases, the cities they favored and every hole they liked to hide in.

“No.”

Max scoffed, rounding the table to face him. “Why not?”

“I said no.”

Max felt her anger bubbling up her in throat, and before she knew it she was snapping right back. “Why the fuck not?”

“Because-“ he yelled, fists slamming against the table. For a minute, it felt like the whole plant went quiet. Max swallowed hard, ignoring the sharp sting of her nails digging into her palms. As she watched, Joel bowed his head, his fists uncurling until his palms were flat against the metal. When he spoke again, his voice was strained. “You realize how dangerous it is out that way?”

Dangerous? He had to be fucking kidding. For months, she’d proven herself more than capable. What did he want from her? No. She wasn’t backing down. Not on this.

“I don’t care.”

And she didn’t. If she died getting Ellie where she needed to go? So be it.

“Well I do.”

Max paused, glancing over at Joel. He was looking right at her now, but his expression wasn’t quite like anything she’d seen on him before. Joel didn’t do vulnerability, at least not openly. He’d been locked up tight since she met him, and she’d resigned herself to not expecting anything different. This was fucking different.

“What-“

The door flew open and Tommy burst in, radio still gripped in one hand.

“That girl of yours just took off on one of our horses.”

_ You’ve got to be fucking kidding me _ .

Max pushed past Joel, running out the door before he could get another word in. The sun burned her eyes as they exited the plant and jogged over to where the horses were hitched. Joel moved quickly, swinging onto his horse in one practiced movement and Tommy following suit. Time was of the essence, and if they took too long, wasted too much time-

No .

That wasn’t an option. It couldn’t be. With a shaking hand, she reached out, snagging his arm in a vice grip.

“Bring her back, Joel. Safe.”

With a nod, he was off.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all i write are prompt fills and nobody is surprised. ‘an accidentally witnessed kiss’.

All she wanted was an apple. 

It was early when she slipped out of bed, carefully enough that Joel hadn’t even registered her absence. She stifled a yawn as she tiptoed into the kitchen, opening a drawer and digging for the paring knife within. Plucking an apple from a nearby bowl, she set to work carving out slices. She’d nearly finished when a nearby floorboard let out a loud creak. Max hissed out a curse as the knife she immediately slipped, nicking the flesh of her finger just enough to draw blood.

“You already causin’ trouble? Kinda early, ain’t it?” Joel murmured from behind her, voice still deep with sleep as he watched from the doorway. Grabbing a rag from the counter, he nodded. “C’mere.”

She hummed back in response, giving him a playful eye roll before padding across the kitchen towards him. “Didn’t mean to wake you.”

“You didn’t,” he replied. His brow furrowed as he dabbed the rag against her wound, wiping the blood away before securing the fabric in a makeshift bandage. Max smiled as he turned her hand over, pressing a kiss to the back of it. “Mornin’.”

“Morning,” she echoed, rising up on her toes for a kiss. It was a slow kiss, still tinged with early morning laziness and warmth. Her arms wrapped around his neck easily, falling into place like they belonged there. Maybe they did. 

“Oh, come  on !”

Ellie’s voice came loud and clear from the doorway, cutting the moment woefully short. Max pulled away, a crooked smile tugging at the corner of her lips as she looked over to see Ellie with her hand dramatically covering her eyes. After a moment, she dropped the hand, pointing between Max and Joel accusingly as she stalked into the kitchen.

“People eat in here,” she groaned, snatching an apple slice from the counter and popping one in her mouth. Max covered her own mouth, stifling a laugh with a weak cough. Scooping up the rest of slices, Ellie turned on her heel, heading back towards the door before spinning around one last time. “Fucking  _ gross _ .”

The door shut behind her, and Max watched out the window as she disappeared down the road and into town. A snort came from over Max’s shoulder, almost soft enough she didn’t hear it. She turned to see Joel grinning, gesturing towards the countertop Ellie’d grabbed the apple from.

Max sighed, shuffling over to bury her face in his chest. “She took my apple, didn’t she?”

“Darlin’, I think she did.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another tumblr prompt fill that i only loosely followed.

The sun had already begun to dip low in the sky when Max’s voice drifted across the house. 

“Joel?”

He looked up from the table, answering with a short “yeah?” while he wiped the grease from his hands. It’d been a while since he’d had the chance to perform any sort of maintenance on their guns, and tonight seemed as good of a time as any. He’d just wiped the last smear away when she appeared in the doorway, brow furrowed enough for him to feel concern start to creep in. 

Her lips curled into a frown as she stepped forward to inspect the chaotic spread of weaponry currently occupying their kitchen table. “Thought I asked you to keep this outside?”

He shrugged sheepishly, muttering an apology before standing to tidy his mess. She had told him at least a thousand times before, but with the winter creeping in, the Wyoming nights had started to grow less and less hospitable. The warmth of the kitchen was too much to resist. 

He cleared his throat, glancing up at his wife again. Arms crossed. Not good. Time to talk his way right out of the doghouse. “You needed somethin’?”

Max’s brows raised for a split second before recognition flashed in her eyes. She nodded, gesturing back down the hall behind her. 

“Ellie. You know where she went? I’d asked her to help me bring in some wood tonight,” she explained, finally joining in on Joel’s clumsy attempts to clear the table. He paused, bringing a hand to his chin to stroke his beard. Max found herself smiling, annoyingly endeared by the mannerism. 

“Some kinda club thing, I think she said,” he finally replied. Max stopped, barking out a laugh before laying down the pistol in her hand and giving his shoulder a squeeze. 

“You got played.”

Joel frowned. “What?”

“There’s no club,” she explained, wiping away the last traces of grease and grime. “That is unless you count the ‘Teenagers Avoiding Chores Club’.”

He groaned, settling back into his chair with his head in his hands. “Guess I’m the idiot here, huh?”

She hummed in response, leaning down and wrapping her arms around his shoulders before planting a kiss on the back of his neck. “‘s okay. You’re my idiot.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this contains explicit sexual content. give it a pass if you’re not comfortable. a direct sequel to chapter 4.

To be fair, dinner didn’t start off as a disaster.

In fact, the first hour went perfectly fine. Max found herself sat around a table with Joel, Tommy, and Maria while Ellie chattered with some nearby kids her age. The food was decent, and as far as small talk went? It was bearable. Maria seemed to pick up on her reluctance to join in, and in turn Tommy followed suit. They were kind, but they didn’t push. It was nice. 

“You not much of a drinker?” Tommy nodded towards the untouched cup of whiskey sat near her plate. Max grimaced. She hadn’t thought anyone would notice. 

“I don’t...” she started, shooting a quick glance to Joel on her right. These were his people, kind enough to feed them and clothe them. Max wasn’t one to bite the hand that feeds, not anymore. She cleared her throat, this time meeting Tommy’s eyes. “I don’t drink around new people. Trust thing. Like to be able to see things clear.”

Tommy nodded, his face carefully composed. If he was offended, he didn’t show it. Taking his own cup, he took a long drink before turning to Joel. 

“She’s smart,” he commented. “Keep her around. Might live longer.”

Max felt herself relax as the brothers both cracked a smile. Good. This was good. The atmosphere eased up, shifting from tense to something that made it a bit easier to breathe. Max reached for her fork, spearing a stray green bean still lingering on her plate. Across the table, Tommy had started talking again, something about motorcycles. Nothing she cared too much about, but judging from the fond smile on Joel’s face, he certainly did. 

_ Motorcycles. Noted _ . 

Max nodded politely, her lips closing around her fork when she felt Joel’s hand come to rest on her knee under the table. That was new. Her fork dropped from her hand, clattering against her plate. She glanced around, satisfied when nobody had even glanced her way. 

It was an innocent enough gesture, though the familiarity of it was enough to make her chest tighten. He hadn’t even looked over, too engrossed in whatever Tommy was talking about to even notice the way she’d froze up. Nobody seemed to notice her at all, in fact. For the first time in months, she relaxed into herself, finally letting her mind drift away from survival. 

Which, to be honest, proved to be a mistake. 

In a matter of seconds, her mind went straight to where it shouldn’t. Especially at a dinner table surrounded by strangers. It came in flashes: the taste of whiskey on his lips, the delicious friction of calloused hands sweeping across her bare skin. This wasn’t the time, and it sure as hell wasn’t the place. But god damnit, all she could focus on was the warmth of his hand on her leg.

She cleared her throat, shifting in her chair and squeezing her thighs tight together. The chair shifted with her, letting out a loud squeak that was enough to get a glance from Maria. Max cursed to herself, giving Maria a polite smile when she glanced her way. That earned a raised eyebrow, accompanied by a grin that made Max’s cheeks burn a deep scarlet. 

Was it hot in here? 

It was hot in here. 

“-right, Max?”

For what felt like the millionth time tonight, she startled. All eyes were on her, ranging from expectant to concerned to deeply amused. It was too much. 

“I’m sorry, my head- it’s...” she trailed off, looking to Joel for a save before abruptly standing. As she stalked away, she could still hear bits and pieces of him explaining away her departure. 

“...headaches...her eye...sleep it off...”

Max practically jogged back to her room, keeping her head down to avoid any stray glances. She slammed the door, stripping out of the too tight shirt like it was suffocating her. Winter was nearly upon them, but suddenly she was sweating like it was the dog days of summer. The thin fabric of the worn undershirt clung to her like a second skin, even without the added layers. It’d been a while since she’d been this overwhelmed. 

In truth, she’d never done well in groups. She’d worked solo for years, and on the rare occasion Marlene insisted she worked in a squad, it was small. Groups meant conversation, and conversation usually mean small talk. Small talk wasn’t something she’d entertained since before the outbreak. Another piece of normalcy she didn’t know if she’d ever get back. Joel had respected her tendency for silence, something that made traveling with him easy. 

_ Joel _ . 

Another fucking problem. Max groaned, reclining back onto the mattress and throwing an arm across her eyes. As she stretched, the stiff denim of her borrowed jeans dug sharply into her hip bones, stinging just enough to be irritating. She huffed, flicking the button open and tugging down the zipper. There. That was better. She needed her own fucking clothes. She needed a fucking smoke. 

A knock came at the door, short and sharp. Max groaned. His timing really was something else. 

“‘s open,” she called, not bothering to even sit up. The door creaked open slowly, followed by the soft sound of the lock latching back shut. Max lifted her arm from her face. Sure enough, Joel stood at the edge of the bed, expression unreadable as he studied her. 

“You mind tellin’ me what that was all about?”

Max sighed, sitting up and scooting to the edge of the bed. He joined her, hands clasped in his lap as he waited for her explanation. She probably owed him one, especially after the scene she just made. Fuck. 

“Don’t got a headache,” she mumbled, eyes locked on her feet. Her heart felt like it was about to punch through her rib cage as she heard him step closer. Suddenly there was a hand on her shoulder, his thumb gently sweeping across her skin. She jerked back like he burnt her. 

“You scared? Tommy ain’t-“

Max laughed, cringing when it came out shrill. It was embarrassing, no, mortifying to admit. She was a grown woman, not a teenage girl. This shouldn’t be an issue. 

_ And yet _ ?

“Can’t fucking focus. Not like this.”

He was quiet for a moment, long enough anxiety started to claw its way up through her chest. She’d fucked up, said the wrong thing. Ruined it all. Of course. She always did, didn’t she? Max sighed, finally tearing her gaze from the floor and daring to face him properly. 

“Hey, forget I-“ 

Before she had time to even begin to process what was happening, his hand was on the back of her neck, pulling her in and kissing her till she was sure her lips would bruise. Max hated being interrupted, and truthfully? She’d laid men out for less. This interruption? 

She’d allow it.

His hand slipped down from her neck, skirting her spine and finally coming to rest on the strip of bare skin peeking out from under her shirt. Max jolted, practically gasping into his mouth at the touch. In one fluid movement, she was on his lap, hands already tangled in his hair. She gave a gentle tug, relishing in the groan he rewarded her with. It was too much and not enough and everything in between. 

Her teeth found his bottom lip, nipping and tugging experimentally. Another groan, this time accompanied by a firm grip on her sides. She shifted, a slow drag of her hips that created just enough friction to send a shiver up her spine. 

_ Fuck _ .

This was happening, really fucking happening. Ill timed knocks on the door be damned. Her mind had already started to drift to all the creative ways she could maim Tommy and make it look like an accident (that stack of lumber outside?) when she felt a tug on the waistband of her jeans. 

_ Oh _ . 

“Let me just...”

Max stood, eyes trained on the floor as she did. She tugged at her jeans, a mumbled curse slipping from her lips as one leg snagged and she stumbled forward. He caught her just in time, arms circling her waist as she groaned into his shoulder. 

“Should probably be better at this by now,” she murmured. He laughed, planting a kiss on her shoulder. 

_ Stop making this seem so easy _ .

“By now? You do this a lot?”

Not even close, if she was honest. Max chewed her lip, trying to remember just how long it’d actually been. Surely it hadn’t been that long. Fuck, maybe it had. 

_ Yeah, never mind _ .

She leaned back, swatting his shoulder with an eye roll. “You know what I mean, asshole.”

“Oh, you think I’m an asshole?”

She hummed her response, finally successfully ridding herself of her jeans. The underwear Maria had provided were presentable; nothing to write home about, but as she settled back onto Joel’s lap, Max was suddenly grateful to be freshly showered and in a clean pair. Her lips found his again, easily falling back into where they’d left off. Come to think of it, that toothbrush had been a fucking godsend too. 

_ Fucking toothbrushes? Christ, Max. Real sexy _ . 

The bourbon he’d had with dinner was still fresh on his lips, strong enough she felt her head start to spin like she’d drank it herself. But this was a different kind of intoxication, a loss of control and inhibitions that burned like wildfire through her veins. You couldn’t bottle that feeling. 

His hand snaked between them, slipping past the worn cotton fabric of her underwear to find her already slick with need. It’d been a long time coming, and he couldn’t help but let out an almost reverent “christ” as he slipped a finger inside of her. He moved slowly, his pace almost tortuous compared to the impatient roll of her hips urging him forward. 

He chuckled, withdrawing his fingers to rub lazy circles against her clit. “Slow down, darlin’. It ain’t a race.”

She whimpered, shaking her head and shamelessly rutting against his hand for the friction he wasn’t giving. After one more futile attempt, she’d had enough. Her lips found his neck again, kissing down the column of his throat to where his open shirt left his collarbones exposed. She couldn’t help but grin as she heard a curse tumble from his lips, followed by yet another as she fumbled with the zipper on his jeans. She wasted no time in grasping his cock, tugging her panties aside and positioning it at her entrance. 

Max hovered there, pausing for a moment to kiss him properly before letting the tip of his cock slide into her with a gasp. She sank down onto him slowly, trembling arms grasping at his shoulders for support as he stretched her open. A moment passed, then two, and by the third Max wasn’t entirely sure she was still in control of her body. Her movements were cautious, experimental as she rolled her hips forward for the first time. Max could’ve sworn her eyes started to roll back as she finally felt him buried deep inside of her, already hitting a spot that made her whole body come alive. 

It didn’t take long for her to pick up the pace, shifting from tentative to desperate as she felt her last shred of control slipping from her reach. The bed creaked as she rocked against him, her face buried in the crook of his neck as she whispered his name like it was a goddamn prayer. It wasn’t long before her hips began to ache from the effort, screaming out with every unpracticed, sloppy thrust. She sucked in a breath, desperately trying to form a sentence that was anything but a whispered plea for more. 

That was all she had to say. 

The moment the words left her lips, the power shifted and control was out of her hands. Her back hit the mattress hard, eliciting a particularly impressive creak from the frame itself. It wouldn’t take much for anyone lingering nearby and paying even a bit of attention to put two and two together, and in normal circumstances Max would have the grace to be at least mildly embarrassed. But as her legs began to tremble and an all too familiar pressure began building low in her abdomen, she couldn’t find it in herself to give a damn.

The headboard smacked against the wall, echoing a rhythmic thump all through the house. Max briefly wondered just how they’d even begin to explain if it snapped, a thought that was cut short by a particularly powerful thrust that tore a shamefully needy whimper from her throat with ease. If there was any doubt she’d feel every second of this in the morning, it was long gone. 

Max lifted her hips, a sloppy attempt to match his pace while chasing her own closely approaching end. Her legs started to shake as she felt herself getting close, the snap of her hips growing more and more erratic until she tumbled over the edge with a choked gasp. She thrashed beneath him, her arms once again locking around his shoulders like it was the only thing keeping her completely falling apart. 

Through the haze, she only vaguely registered him following right behind her with a groan. Her eyes fluttered shut as she felt him roll off of her and out of bed, returning with the towel she’d left behind from her shower earlier. She tried to ignore the way her heart sank as she watched him start to redress, straightening and readjusting his disheveled clothing. Asking him to stick around was out of the question, something she wouldn’t dare to attempt. 

Which is why she was so damn surprised when he settled back in next to her, nonchalantly reclaiming the empty spot he’d left before. For a moment, the bedroom was silent as they both stared at the ceiling. After what felt like an eternity, he rolled to his side, eyes searching her face tentatively for some guidance. For something she wasn’t too sure she could give. Max had never really known what to do with this moment, with the vulnerability it entailed. People like her didn’t do vulnerable. She didn’t have soft words to whisper to a lover in a quiet moment. But then again neither did he. 

Instead, he reached for her, fingertips skimming over her skin like he wasn’t quite sure she was real. His hand wandered, finally coming to rest on the long, puckered scar that spanned her thigh. A glance, a question he was too polite to ask out loud. She answered anyways. 

“Hunter with a machete. Didn’t live long enough to regret it afterwards.”

He nodded, fingers resuming their quest across her body. This time they landed on her abdomen, tracing the faint marking there. It was smaller than the others, and honestly came with a much less impressive story. 

“Appendicitis. Missed the rest of camp that year because of it.”

Joel raised an eyebrow. “Camp?”

“ _ Bible _ camp,” she corrected with a grin. That earned a laugh. Good. 

“You a church girl?”

“You know it,” she teased, propping herself up on her elbows. Joel grinned, tucking a renegade strand of hair behind her ear before something else caught his attention. His expression softened as his thumb brushed against the tail end of the scar that covered her eye. Max felt her face fall. Of course. 

She rolled onto her back, suddenly fascinated with the ceiling. The sounds of other residents returning home for the night drifted into the room - laughter and soft chatter. It was nice. It was normal. It wasn’t a damn thing like the day she almost lost her eye. 

“Don’t remember much about that day,” she started, already gnawing on her bottom lip. That wasn’t a lie. That day was a blur. She remembered the fear, the pain. It wasn’t something she lingered on often. “I did some things a while back. Things I’m not proud of. Got me in some trouble.”

She glanced at him, searching for permission to continue. He didn’t hesitate in giving it, silently urging her forward with a nod. Max sucked in a deep breath, fiddling with a loose string dangling from the edge of her sheet. 

“You ever seen a military execution?”

_ Inhale _ . 

_ Exhale _ . 

_ You’re fine _ . 

“Once or twice.”

It was a stupid question, honestly. It wasn’t a secret, nor did it happen in the shadows. If you disobeyed, you were shot in the streets. That’s how it was. They’d all seen it. 

“Five of us went in. Three came out. Would’ve been none if someone hadn’t intervened.”

“Intervened?”

_ Fuck _ .

That was a question she couldn’t answer, one of the many she knew would come. She’d already said too much to backpedal, so avoidance seemed like the next best option. 

“Good samaritans,” she said bitterly. Good. Vague. “Never said why they helped us, and after taking the ass end of an AR to the face I wasn’t in any position to ask.”

Mostly true. Marlene would never tell her why she was saved after they let countless other groups die. Max always felt like it was a waste of resources, and she’d always hated the look on Marlene’s face when she said it. Pity. Max didn’t want her pity. She’d been ready to die. She didn’t ask for anything else. 

“Woke up with half my damn head covered in bandages. Thought I’d gone blind, honestly.” She laughed, giving him another sideways glance. “Doc told me I almost did. Guess I’m lucky.”

“You feel lucky?”

Max paused, brows furrowing. Did she? It was a simple question. Two months ago, she would’ve said no without a second thought. There wasn’t a thing about this life that made her feel lucky. That made her happy. Now?

She reached out, slipping her hand into his with a quick squeeze. Something stirred deep in her chest as she admired the way their fingers intertwined easily, like they’d done it a million times before. Easy. Simple. She smiled, pushed away the voice in the back of her mind that screamed this was anything but simple. 

“Yeah. I think I do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i cannot believe i posted this.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> let’s pretend i didn’t post this on tumblr ages ago and forget to add it. pregnancy-centric chapter.

Max was tired.

Bad dreams had chased away sleep last night, and the nights before hadn’t been much better. The sun hadn’t even begun to rise when she found herself staring out the kitchen window. A few lights had started to flicker on in other houses, the first signs of early patrols forming for the day. 

She frowned, fingers wrapping tighter around the mug in her hands. Patrol was already a distant memory. It didn’t take long for news of her _condition_ to spread, and it wasn’t much longer until her name was temporarily removed from the pool of able-bodied adults. Max shifted, transferring her weight from one foot to the other and back again before finally settling back against the counter. Comfort was beginning to _also_ become a distant memory.

Max sat her mug down, listening closely for any signs of life in her own home. Nothing. With a sigh, she slid down onto a nearby chair. She wasn’t used to sitting this often, but her swollen ankles and aching back left her with no choice. Leaning back, her hands finally came to rest on the swell of her stomach, a position she found herself in often these days. It was like magnet drew her there, constantly gravitating towards the life growing inside of her.

It wouldn’t be long now, she thought. A quick check of the crude math they’d used for a “best guess” due date landed sometime this month. They’d meet her soon. Or him. The thought was as terrifying as it was exciting. She’d been “mom” for a while; a passing joke between the people she’d come to care for. But soon? Soon it’d be real.

A quiet rustle from the doorway tore her from her thoughts. Joel shuffled in, stifling a yawn before peering at her with heavy lidded eyes.

“You sleep at all?”

She shook her head, offering a tight lipped smile before standing to greet him. The ache in her back surged, nearly knocking the wind out of her in the process. Her sharp exhale echoed through the kitchen, loud enough to send Joel to her side. His hands were on her immediately, cradling her stomach and gently resting on the small of her back. Max nodded, giving him another smile.

“‘m alright,” she murmured. He lingered, eyes still scanning her body like she’d drop dead any moment. Max leaned into him, soaking up his warmth with a sigh. Like clockwork, her hand found his, fingers intertwining before coming to rest on her stomach.

And then she felt it.

It was small, but enough to make his eyes light up with something warm and wonderful and so goddamn tender Max was sure she’d cry right then and there. It wasn’t the first time he’d felt their child kick, but it didn’t seem to ever get old for him. Max felt his chuckle next to her ear, a warm exhale of breath on her neck she knew by heart.

“Good mornin’, baby girl,” he whispered. Max turned in his arms, tilting her head to meet his eyes.

“Still convinced it’s a girl?”

He nodded, tucking back a loose strand that’d come free from her braid. Max watched him, eyes drifting across his face lazily. There were days she couldn’t believe that this was her life. That she deserved any of this.

For the second time this morning, Joel interrupted her train of thought- this time with a gentle press of his lips against hers. She leaned into him, unable to stop the corners of her mouth from curling up into a smile.

“Love you,” she whispered. The words still felt clumsy on her tongue, no matter how loudly her heart screamed them. She felt his fingertips graze her cheek, brushing back that seemingly ever present loose strand once again.

“I love you too.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’ve crawled out of my hole to bring you some really early tlou timeline max.

Lincoln was a small town, at least by pre-outbreak standards. As they wandered down the fortified streets, Max found herself guessing at a former population of five, maybe six thousand. It was hard to stomach the fact that there was only one person left. 

One person who was currently doing his best to get a rise out of Ellie as they ducked into another boarded up house. 

She wasn’t sure what to make of Bill. Between the gun he’d held to her head and his seemingly constant need to needle away at the people around him, he’d done a hell of a job securing a sour taste in her mouth. On the other hand, she couldn’t help but understand the man. God knows she’d gotten used to being alone after all these years. She wouldn’t take too kindly to anyone threatening that peace either. Trust in this world was dangerous, oftentimes outright stupid. 

_ Just as stupid as compromising your fuckin’ mission and disobeying direct orders _ , _ Maxine _ , she thought bitterly. 

Peering around the house, she spied a stairwell in the corner. Ellie had already made a beeline for the kitchen, with Bill on her heels desperately begging for her to  _ keep her fucking voice down _ . Joel stood in the corner, arms crossed over his chest as he stared her down like she had no right to be there. Normally that kind of outright aggression would’ve bothered her, warranted a response. 

But he was right. She shouldn’t be there, and the sooner she was anywhere else, the better. 

Max shrugged off the unease already gnawing away at her stomach, opting to begin a slow ascent of the stairs, up and away from her companions. Her hand clutched the banister tightly as she tried to tune out the chatter below. It’d been ages since she’d traveled with people this goddamn  _ loud _ . The noise finally began to fade into a dull drone as she slipped into one of the nearby bedrooms. 

Pink wallpaper plastered the walls, paired with a frilly white bedspread and a veritable mountain of stuffed animals strewn across the room. 

A little girl’s room, she thought. It wasn’t all that different from the one she’d had as a child, give or take the odd crucifix. Spying a dresser that looked relatively unscathed, Max shuffled towards it. The odds of finding something useful in a child’s room weren’t high, but it didn’t hurt to check. She’d barely closed her hand around the knob when a voice came from the doorway. 

“Why’re you here?” he asked, leaning against the doorframe. Max froze, unable to turn her gaze away from the drawer she was currently sorting through. 

“What, uh... what do you mean? Was just... just wanderin’. Ended up nearby and heard you hollerin’,” she replied. “Should be glad I did. They almost had you.”

He scowled at the jab, but left it unchallenged. She was right, no matter how much it pained him to think it. 

“This ain’t really the kinda place people accidentally wander into.”

Max shrugged, carefully arranging her features into a mask of neutrality. It was better if he didn’t know, for both of their sakes. 

“Why else would I be here? Think I got some kind of agenda?”

Joel paused. 

“Ain’t sure yet.”

—————

**BOSTON, MA - 2 Days Earlier**

“Got a job for you.”

Max’s eyes fluttered open as Marlene’s voice drifted through the tent. She shifted, rolling onto her side to see Marlene sat on the ground, a stack of papers clutched in her hands. Max was no stranger to waking up alone when it came to Marlene, but this was new. She sat up, propping herself upright on one elbow. 

“Okay,” she replied carefully. Part of her balked at the thought, the part that was all too aware Marlene’s last job had almost gotten her killed just a few hours ago. But duty was duty, and if she’d learned one thing, it was that what Marlene said goes. 

“The girl,” Marlene started, testing her words carefully. 

That got Max’s attention. 

She hadn’t seen her herself, but it wasn’t the first time Marlene had brought her up. Immunity, a vaccine... It all felt like a pipe dream. But Marlene believed in it, believed that this girl was somehow the key to saving them all. It was a heavy burden, one Max didn’t envy. Max gazed at her, silently urging her on with a nod. 

“Do you remember when I told you about Utah? The group there?”

Another nod. Salt Lake City. Max had never been there herself, but Marlene had mentioned it time and time again. Something about a hospital, a research facility. Most of them were just soldiers, but the Fireflies still laid claim to some of the brightest minds left in the country. 

“They’re coming for her,” Marlene continued, eyes lighting up in the darkness. She shifted forward, wincing a bit before brushing a stray tendril of blonde hair from Max’s face. “They think they can do it this time, Tyler. A vaccine. All because of her.”

Max cleared her throat. “And where do I come in?”

Marlene’s face fell, a quick slip before returning to the careful neutrality she always seemed to maintain. 

“You’re going with them.”

Max sat straight up, ignoring the sharp sting of pain in her side. 

“What?”

Marlene frowned, a hand coming up to massage her temple. 

“I said you’re going with them. I want someone to oversee the delivery. Someone I can count on.”

“Don’t trust ‘em?”

Max couldn’t help but let the corners of her lips curl into a smile as she watched Marlene falter. Of course she didn’t trust them. Why would she?

“I don’t trust anyone. Not now.”

Her tone was gentle, run ragged by the days pain and exhaustion seeping through the cracks. She hadn’t meant the offense, but even the best of intentions couldn’t soften the blow. Max flinched, leaning away from Marlene’s touch. As she swung her legs off of the cot, she heard Marlene sigh. 

“I didn’t mean-“

Max shook her head when she felt Marlene’s firm grip find her forearm. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Sorry, I’m just-“

“Said don’t worry about it. ‘s alright,” Max snapped. She blinked, almost shocked by the venom creeping into her tone. It wasn’t like her. Marlene’s eyebrows raised, just as taken aback as Max was. 

“What do you want from me? Is this about Utah?”

Max shrugged away from her grip, reaching for her boots. If she needed an answer to that, they were more than done here. She’d nearly finished the laces when she heard Marlene sigh again, calling her last name like it was the only one she had. 

“ _ I just like Tyler better _ ”, Marlene’s voice whispered in the back of her mind. Max didn’t, but that hadn’t mattered then, and it certainly didn’t matter now. 

With another failed attempt to take her hand, Marlene relented, shifting her weight and falling back onto the balls of her feet. She shook her head, gesturing at the opening of her tent. The flap was pulled shut, hiding them away from the rest of the camp. Max knew if she peeked out, she’d see wounded men and women strewn everywhere, overflowing from the medic’s tent in impossible to manage numbers. They were beaten. Anyone could see it. “What options do I have?”

Max pushed off of the cot, brushing past her to retrieve her gun from atop the nearby crate. Slipping it into her holster, she started to crawl through the worn canvas opening before pausing midway. Marlene had already turned away, rifling through a stack of tattered documents and fliers. Out of sight, out of mind. 

“Think you got a lot of options, actually.”


End file.
